A Desire in Bloom
by scribbler567
Summary: Hanschen finally approaches his desire after Mortiz's funeral. My first Spring Awakening fanfic so please read and review :)


The rose fell slowly from his hand, seeming to take forever as it fell onto the tomb. Swallowing back the flood of tears that welled behind his eyes and the knot forming in his throat, Hanschen walked away from the tomb to join his other classmates.

Suicide.

The boy hadn't been dead more than a week and already people were talking. He had taken his own life, and somehow the people around him thought it was just to speak ill of him. The more he listened, the more he understood why Melchior was the way he was. Society was fucked up, and it was their job to change it. But, change took time, and change involved loss. Unfortunately the loss had been more devastating that they could have imagined.

Tears were streaming down Melchior's face, and his shoulders were shaking with sobs. Nobody looked at him. They all knew he thought it was his own fault. Suicide was something that rarely occurred, or rather, that any of them heard of. Hanschen heart went out to Melchior. He couldn't imagine the guilt that he felt, even if they all knew he had not been the cause of the loss.

Looking up, only a few boys from his class remained in line. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw him.

The brunette, with those deep brown eyes that were filled with tears. It tugged at parts of him he didn't know could feel pain.

He watched as his classmate finally dropped his rose, moving towards the group. The brunette stood in front of him, and Hanschen used all the self-control he had to keep himself from reaching out and touching him.

When the ceremony ended, which felt like forever, Ernst was the first from the group of classmates to move. He darted away, ignoring his parents' calls for him. He head off into the forest behind them, his fists clenched at his sides.

Hanschen saw that his own parents were busy talking to some of the other adults. Glancing behind him, he tried to follow where Ernst was going. Something in him was telling him to go after the boy.

Melchior was some sort of psychic. Hanschen would always believe that. His friend approached him from behind and put a hand on his shoulder. "Go."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, trying his best to keep up the arrogant attitude he tried so hard to show off.

"I'm not blind," Melchior replied. "I can see it all over your face. And his."

"I don't…"

"Stop pretending to be the big guy and go to him."  
Hanschen lowered his head and bit his lip. He reached out and touched the other boy on the arm. "Thank you." Melchior nodded and Hanschen moved past him, but quickly turned around. "Melchior…don't…don't tell anyone."

"My lips are sealed."

Without another reply, Hanschen began through the forest, pushing the branches and leaves out of the way. He didn't know what had suddenly brought him to make a move. He had been burying this secret, this sin, for years and years. He had avoided Ernst, put on an attitude and done everything in his power to make the feelings and the dreams stop. The more he walked through the forest, the more his desire grew to be with the other boy. The thicker the woods became, the faster his heart beat. The louder the sound the leaves made, the tighter his pants became as he thought of the small brunette.

It seemed like it took years to find Ernst. He didn't know how long it had been, but it certainly wasn't all that long into his walk that he heard a faint sobbing from the trees before him.

Pushing yet another set of branches out of the way, he found the schoolboy, seated on a tree stump, his head in his hands, sobbing quietly.

Hanschen had never felt strong emotions about anything, let alone about anyone. But, seeing the object of his affections and lust sobbing pulled at his heart. He felt his stomach knot and he wanted to throw up. It was then he realized it wasn't just sexual.

"Ernst?"

The other boy looked up, wiping his eyes quickly. "Han…Hanschen," he stammered. "What are you doing here?"

Leaning against a tree, he took a deep breath. "I…I needed some air." Why couldn't he just say it? Was it his pride keeping him from coming out and saying it?

"Oh…it's um, very nice out here…" Ernst sniffled a little and wiped more tears from his eyes.

"Are you…are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine," Ernst replied quietly.

"It's…it's a sad thing that happened…"

"It's tragic…"

They sat in silence for a few moments. Hanschen was breathing heavily, trying to compose his thoughts and his body. "Ernst?"

"Yes, Haschen?"

"May I…may I sit with you?"

The boy widened his large brown eyes. "Oh, of course…"

Hanschen awkwardly moved to sit beside him on the small tree stump. "I didn't realize it was this small, I'm sorry," he said, half laughing.

He gained a chuckle and half a smile from the boy beside him and that was enough to send his hormones reeling. "It's alright."

Again, silence fell between the two boys. Ernst, he could see, was biting down on his lip so hard blood began to seep through the small cut he had made. "You know," Hanschen said at last. "It's alright to be upset…"

"What?" Ernst asked, facing him. Their eyes met. Blue eyes and brown.

"I said, it's okay to cry."

"You never cry, look at you," Ernst replied, shaking his head. "I don't even know why you're here talking to someone like me."

"What do you mean someone like you?"

"Oh come off it, Hanschen, I know what you see in someone like me. Weak, pathetic, stupid, and then there's you. I'm sure and the others laugh every time I leave the room."

"I don't."

"What?"

"Look, it's alright to cry…I don't care if you do. That's why I came." He stood up, unable to put his feelings into actual words. "I should be going." Shaking his head, he walked away, but a small voice from behind him called his name. He turned around to see Ernst, tears streaming down his face, his shoulders shaking.

"Please don't go…"

He never thought he'd hear those three words. Hanschen was always the emotionless, uncaring boy in the class. He made himself that way, of course, but he longed to be someone different. Would Ernst let him be who he always wanted to be?

Slowly, he moved closer to his classmate, and he sat down beside him on the small stump, their hips against each other. "It's alright," he whispered in a voice he didn't know he could be so gentle.

Ernst tried to speak through his tears, "I just…how could we let this happen?"

Despite how wrong he knew it was, despite the voices in his head telling him not to, Hanschen wrapped an arm around Ernst and pulled him close. One touch and he was lost in the world of Ernst.

The brunette buried his face in Hanschen's shoulder and wet the blazer with his tears. His body shook against him, and he held tightly to the sobbing boy in his arms. "Shh," he whispered softly, completely out of character. Nobody had ever seen him like this. Hell, he hadn't seen himself this gentle. He didn't know he was capable of it.

"I played with him when we were kids…I should have known…I could have stopped him. I saw him the day before he ran away…I saw him crying…I saw him with a bag…I knew he was leaving but…They keep blaming him, but we are all to blame!" Ernst exclaimed. "We all are responsible…"

Hanschen let his face fall into the head of hair below him. He inhaled, sighing in content. He had never felt so complete. "I know…I…I don't know how we are all going to heal from this…We have to make him proud."

Ernst suddenly wrapped his arms around Hanschen's waist, clinging tightly to him as if he would never let go. "I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be sorry. We have to live for him now."

Ernst fell silent, holding to Hanschen, sobbing quietly into his shoulder. As the sobs died down, he pulled away, wiping his eyes, his cheeks red and tear stained. Hanschen blushed, pulling his arm away. "I guess now you really think I'm naïve and weak…"

Hanschen shook his head, touching the other boy's hand, taking it into his own. "You should stop worrying about that."

"Ernst! Where the hell did you go?" a voice echoed from behind them.

"Ernst? Are you here?"

The brunette groaned, letting his head fall onto Hanschen's shoulder, surprising him, albeit delightfully. "God, my parents."

"I better be going." Hanschen stood up.

"I…I don't want you to go…"

"Meet me here again," Hanschen exclaimed, grabbing his classmate's hands. "Tonight, come to this same place and we'll…talk."

"What time?"

"Sundown!"

"And you will be here?"

"I will. Now, I better be going." Hanschen reluctantly let go of Ernst's hands, immediately missing the warmth of being so close to his friend, his secret, his desire.

Hanschen practically ran back to his house, trying to make plans for that night. He wouldn't just talk. He would seduce Ernst, and it would be amazing. He would finally live up to his sin and indulge in every moment of it.


End file.
